…why men cheat.

I just wrote an article which I thought I saved, apparently I didn’t. It’s been that kind of day. But what can I do other than to continue to write, so anyway… Being the “Twitterhead” I’ve so recently become, Ive had the austere displeasure, but dually intriguing pleasure to sit courtside to the various maladies and discontentment of the urban female. And I categorize them as urban females because that’s the only types I follow on Twitter.  I recently wrote an article about women. This blog post received a fair share of adulation and numerous views on my site. The post gave a timeline to women and their actions during certain age brackets. The resounding response was “WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!?” and believe me it was said with hair flipping and neck popping. And they’re right…but what about the men? Well as I mentioned before about my twitter proclivities, it lends to a lot of observations, mainly of dirty laundry and female grievances (I don’t really look at too many male tweets on my timeline, SUE ME.) The female grievances are mostly about men. The reoccurring theme I to see is “WHY DO MEN CHEAT?!?” I see so many tweets and statuses about infidelity and niggas cheating. And the females beg the question WHY? And some of the females have become so accustomed to the melancholy truth that men cheat that they’ve formed subquestions. Now it’s “Why did he cheat with that hideous girl, he don’t know she’s a whore?” or “Why would cheat with someone in Pennsauken?” or “She’s so gorgeous how could he even do that to her?” First off, these questions in themselves are sad and displaced because it’s come to the point of not just questioning fidelity. Girls have stepped past the wrong doing and are wondering why with a certain person. Why? period should be the question. Why has faithfulness become so scarce? It’s all very sad. It bothers me to see females sad, though I myself have contributed to my fair share of tears (by the way…sorry if you’re reading this and I’ve cheated on you). But to assist I’m going to try and shed some light on the dark places in a niggas mind that cause infidelities. Now when I go in on these things I don’t want you to think these are excuses. This is reasoning. . And because I don’t claim to know it all (most of the time), I can’t say I have the definitive answer, but I can try and divulge…


The nature of a man is logic. Now don’t get me wrong there’s dumb niggas out here. I don’t mean logic in terms of brilliance, because some logic can be pure bullshit. Some thoughts and notions can be so far off but I think men tend to lead towards rationalism (no matter how idiotic) and women more towards feelings (no matter how idiotic, lol). The basic need for people is to appease necessity, man and woman alike. Everything we do has a genesis in necessity. Even the dumb or trivial things, they are all rooted in necessity. The things we need or THINK we need is what fuels our actions. This is no different for cheating. The infidelity fills a want (thought to be a NEED) in the man. So you have to ask the question: Which of his needs are not being met?  And this is the main point of my reasoning for our infidelity: NECESSITY. Now I know this already sounds sketchy but here me out. It’s all about necessity, long term; short lived, momentary, whatever the time frame may be. And as I said this is for men and women. The disconnect is between the male and female necessity, the logic and the emotion. A guy may feel at any second that he needs something. It could be sex, affection, love, a laugh, hug, whatever the case. And in that moment that’s the only thing that matters. His momentary necessity, no matter how trivial, trumps whatever you and he have. I’ve been the in this predicament more than once, one time it became the catalyst for a downward spiral. But that fleeting pacification was what I felt I needed that moment and it ruined so many things in the long run. But can I say faced with that again, in that mindstate that I’d have the hindsight to make a better decision, I can honestly say I don’t know. Does this mean he loves you less? That’s hard to speculate. But in my instance and thinking back I’d say no.  I’ve seen guys with the best looking, most willing, brilliant and cool girl cheat with someone that provided something in that moment for him that that bombshell of a woman couldn’t. And it may not be that she wasn’t capable of doing so definitively, just in that time frame where he needed it, she couldn’t. And it could be for any reason. Maybe she was away, maybe she was in a bad mode, maybe he just wanted something new, but at that time his best bet to have his “needs” met was another broad. And I understand this is very selfish, very SELFISH. Oh and very shallow. Women seem to be able to hold onto and pull from past feelings and sentiments even when things go bad for a while. A man may not leave you because this happens but he may cheat because in times of distress his memory block begins to get smaller; he forgets about those good times. And that’s not to say he’s out looking for it but in an instance of opportunity he may lapse.  A woman also has the advantage where she can communicate her feelings effectively. We don’t live in a society or culture where a man openly reports his emotions. He’s expected to be stoic. He most certainly cannot reticently say, “Baby sometimes your attitude and the things you say to me hurt my feeling.” Because you’re next sentence probably would be “Nigga stop bitchin!” And as much as you love a sensitive emotional man you hate it equally. As soon as a man descends into the pit of his feelings yo ass tosses him a damn ladder, a rope, and a step stool. Furthermore women seem to be very identifiable with their feelings; most men are far less fortunate. Our feelings play tricks on us, and these tricks are often fueled by our dicks. It’s quite the internal war. And since a man’s necessities can come in so many different forms I’m not going to try to put them into microcosm, but I will touch on a big one.

 One of the greatest reasons for cheating is complacency. That man is flat out BORED. You could be an amazing lover, but how amazing is amazing if it becomes commonplace? Men, like women, get bored, but we tend to forget about the greatness of what we have until it’s it’s too late or the deed is done. And then we feel like shit. It’s the demise of a one track mind. Newness is glamourizing. Much like a man feels that sense of pride and glory when he gets a new car, he feels the same way while bedding or romancing a NEW female. No matter how a car looks on the outside it can still have that “new car smell. I think the BEST way to combat this is to keep things new and different. Keep confusing that nigga with more and more greatness. Change your hair, buy a new dress, come in the room with whip cream on your breasts, DO SOMETIHING! (Sidebar…and this will be a long one….: Learn some new tricks and positions in the bedroom. A man gets so bored with the same old sex, even if he’s the reason for it. If you love him you’ll do it. I mean research on the internet. You may be a prude but watch some porn and spice that damn thing up! Cause if not you’ll be on that one way trip to Kleenex-ville with no round-trip ticket. The ugly girl he’s screwing around on you with knows some shit. SOME SHIT! And your fine ass is a novice at missionary. It isn’t hard to tell why he boning Mary Sue with the good brain!) But anyway a variable shift in the way you do things, wear things, and approach things will make him feel likes he’s met someone brand new.

Oh and much of cheating comes from pure yearning for attention. Men are probably more attention whores than women. It’s quite the illness. Attention inevitably turns into flirting. Flirting is like the devil. In its inception it’s so coy then you’re innocent smiles turn into grins. And often as flirting tends to do, it turns into something more. I’ve flirted into sex that I really didn’t mean to partake in. Ha! And when in that situation, in that room or that car, it’s DO OR DIE. Because the second you don’t it’s like WWIII. You ever seen a woman scorned from withheld sex? And then it’s not like it’s just her that’s going to know, it’s all her friends too. And in that light, a male gets equal amount of pressure from the faux macho BS he gets from his boys to get girls and NEVER CEASE. The shit is tough lol (I know I’m not getting any pity).

  The key to knowing this whole thing is to know unequivocally what kind of man you’re dealing with. You have to know his proclivities and match them to the point where when he’s not around that no other broad can. Pay attention to him while he watches TV and see what he says he likes about those women. Listen to his comments about the women he knows. Try to remember to shy away from being and doing the things he dislikes if at all possible (and I know this isn’t always possible but uh some girls do shit just for the sake of doing it. i.e.: NAGGING) And I know this seems like much and if he don’t want you, he don’t want you but this happens to the BEST of women. It’s happened to Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Halle Berry, etc. Infidelity is no respecter of persons. Make yourself the only thing he sees, make every other girl inferior.  And I know this seems daunting already but it’s better to try and fail then to not try at all.

So there you have it, I have a searing headache and I’m tired so I’m going to stop here. But I hope this helps and I hope it doesn’t seem like excuses. Reasons can be excuses but excuses aren’t usually reasons.

PS: This probably will be the last blog I write for this site. I’m going to have a new blog launching in the upcoming weeks so look out for that.


5 responses to “…why men cheat.

  1. WOW. Each time you out do yourself. Truly.

    As alwys, Thanks for sharing!

  2. I can’t read this whole thing. Very interesting tho. But ur reasons sound like a bunch of excuses. As much as u say it’s not an excuse it is. It’s a commitment issue. If u feel for a second that u might cheat then u have a problem with commitment and that’s not the person u need to be with. U have to be able to deal with good and bad days. If this is the person u wanna be with u have to take the good with the bad mentally physically and emotionally and this is for men and women. As much as a relationship can become boring, for me, I would tell my man I’m bored and if nothing changes in a reasonable amount of time we have to end it. Give ppl chances before u go sleeping around cuz don’t sleep wit someone else then tell me u love me and expect me to forgive u. Nope it’s a wrap. Lol. What u wrote was good tho. Ur very well spoken u need to write a book.

    • I definitely understand what you mean. Ad I’m not saying a nigga will only do it for boredom but there are times when things such as that contribute to infidelity or at least make it less prone to being stopped. And thank you for the compliment. How did you come across the blog?

  3. Great read! Who would have thought goofy ass john clayton would grow up to be so articulate lol! I must say as a female i agree wit some of this article especially when your in a long term relationship you gotta keep things fresh. However i dont condone your “excuses” of men not bein able to express their feelings of vulnerability to their mate. When your in a commited relationship the two ppl should be able to express their feelings openly.

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