Monthly Archives: March 2012

Free Writing #1

I haven’t said much in a long time so I’m just going to free write a bit. I’ve read some things and seen something’s and I’m just going to spew my thoughts onto this computer screen. Here goes…

 Relationships are very much like a business. And that sounds a bit shroud but follow me. There’s supply and demand, and to maintain a good business both entities need to receive their fair share of both to maintain prosperity. In relationship terms both people have needs and in order for the relationship to flourish a cyclical amount of give and take has to be exchanged. I’m putting in and receiving. I’m the type of person that in order to make a relationship work and keep the productivity of happiness high I often take my significant others needs into account. I believe that that’s key to meeting a person’s needs. If I can say that I took your needs into account and tailor made my behaviors and inclinations towards you I feel like I’m being a productive piece in the relationship. I know when you get off work that you like to vent about the day’s events so I make myself available for such sessions. And when I can’t I’m at least in contact with you because I know I can’t be as available so I give you something. I believe this is the biggest piece of a relationship. Learning your partner and taking that knowledge into account when doing things. For me it’s the difference in being content and being happy. I can very easily be just “ok” with someone. But for me being just ok means that there are holes. And happiness has no holes. This is where other people tend to slide in and become supplemental in filing those holes. And that’s not an excuse to cheat but I believe it’s very much a reason that people do. Especially when there’s a need that can easily be met but is refused. If I’m for you I’ll do anything for you as long as it isn’t impeding on my health or my child. But its troubling when a person has the ability to make you happy and knows what makes you happy but won’t. Not that they’re treating you like shit or you’re unhappy, but there’s just levels that aren’t being reached due to little things not being present. I often wonder whether people don’t want to or just can’t. Some things are just beyond the realm of possibility for some people. Sometimes things just don’t occur to you. You hear people say that sometime. “Well that never occured to me.” And it may sound like a cop out. Even knowing something or having someone tell you you to handle be a certain way or handle things a certain way, sometimes at the point of action, at that point where its time to be naturally you or to compromise, those words you don’t occur. The words don’t come out. The innate you does. And in that way your personality takes over, and within that compatbilty sphere is the difference between met needs or unmet needs.  I’ve had times in my life where people wanted things from me in terms of a relationship that I just could not give them. I even wanted to give it to them, but it was beyond. Beyond my personality. I didn’t have what it took. Even though I knew there was an invisible barrier that separated he wants and me stretching my hands out and giving them to her. There were things that I should have said, things I should have did, compromises I should have made that my personality just couldn’t allow me to say, do, or change. And that’s why I believe that compatibility is a very valid piece of the relationship puzzle because often times it’s the difference between you getting what you want. You want emotion in a certain way from someone that just isn’t predisposed to giving it that way. Not that they don’t have it for you at the level you want it BUT they just can’t provide it in the ways that you want. And that’s the difference. We jam round pegs into square holes all the time. And just imagine how that makes the hole and the peg feel. Of course there’s resistance and pain. Some of us have been round pegs in square holes for so long we don’t even recognize a round hole when we see one. And it’s not always as harsh as that. Sometimes it’s a triangle and a square. It’s just that one less extra angle that fucks it all up. That one missing piece that ruins it. And you’ll act like you don’t care about that piece but that the part that ties it all together. THAT’S the difference between contentment and pure happiness. I think that’s why the divorce rate is so high. People will marry mafuckas that they are just “ok” with. People that they can stand and can stomach being around.  Fitting and matching is very much a pivotal part. It’s the difference between contentment and happiness…between anniversaries and breakups…between long term and short lived.

No proofread. No paragraphs. Just thoughts on a page. That’s all I got.