I had some thoughts the other day, well I have some thoughts everyday but you know what I mean. I put off writing like I often do, and then today that quirkily sexy girl on Awkward was blogging so I figured I could pass some time by doing the same. While in the shower I started to think about some of the decisions people make, especially the folks I know; I say decisions but I really mean a way of thinking. To me a person’s way of thinking is a decision, whether a chosen or coerced one. Up until a perceived age of account of accountability your thoughts are rarely your own; they’re a formulation of social norms and parental guidance, OR lack thereof in many cases. And even with that social norms are the umbrella because they influence most people’s guidance anyway. Widely this isn’t a bad thing but widely it is. And I know that’s contradictory but there are pros and cons for each. But anyway in that shower I thought to myself a very profound question, like a whole real ass enigma:


And at first glance it’s like “Whoa bitch! Ain’t nobody told me to be shit! I am who I am nigga.”  And that’s funny but totally inaccurate.  I’ve written about this to some extent, but if you look at what makes us up as people it’s a mix of things. It’s very much so a nature and nurture thing. The innate you, and the you influenced by the outside, influenced by your environment and the people surrounding. The innate you means the natural (nature) you. It’s who you are as soon as you come out of the womb. The you in that moment where nothing has hampered your thought processes, right before you learn the ways of the world. Knowledge is very much power, but knowledge is also change. To gain something new, whether it causes you to think or act differently, is still a change. So I began to think of the natural me. The intangible me.  And I hate to bring astrology into it because I’ve yet to come into an understanding about it, and how that correlates with the God and religion I dearly love and eventually want to share with the world. But the intangible you or me seems to be the proclivities that we process at a rudimentary level. Whether the zodiac is real or whatever I don’t know but I will say it can be spot on about the attributes about various people in correlation to their birth month. The rest I think is bullshit but anyway…those natural inclinations like the pride of Leos or stubbornness of Taurus’ or duality of Gemini or the regality of Capricorns, those intangibles. What if at this moment you only had that. What if at this moment your mind was totally blank, if everyone’s mind was totally blank and you only had YOU and the natural way YOU are, just you and your natural attributes. If you just had you who would you be? Who would we be? Who would you want to be? Would you be who you are now?

A lot of who we are is bogged down by who society says we should be and for us black people, who our culture says we should be? What if a nigga woke up and there was no society or culture that told him to choose to love a woman. Do you think he would naturally choose her? (PAUSE: Let me say this…I’m extremely comfortable with my sexuality and it’s the people that aren’t that seem to always be labeling things as gay or homosexual. It’s those people who most likely harbor certain things but society and culture have trained them otherwise so they never let that come out.) But anyway it’s a very poignant question because if you look at most people they’re followers. So something not like themselves they’d possibly shun given no frame of societal or cultural form of reference to go on. And I sort of see this often when I speak to people and when I’m just listening to people’s conversation(IM ALWAYS LISTENING). There’s USUALLY a huge outward dispelling but also a huge curiosity. And that’s when I wish people would stop hiding and just be themselves.  Anywho next subject: What if no one told anyone that we were black or white? What if we didn’t have a race except the human onE? How would people look at one another? Should we assume that segregation, prejudice, and racism are  is natural? To me fear causes dissention and dissention causes segregation. Just for an instant what if all we had was Romney’s and Obama’s platform? If all we had was a list of how it is and how they would change it? Would we instinctually vote for Obama? Would your black culturally trained ass automatically be a republican? That’s some brain bending shit. You know I love Obeezy but if my slate was clean and I knew nothing of color and race and slavery and civil rights, and all I had was the blank here and now, I can’t emphatically say who I would vote for. And believe me I LOVE BEING BLACK but we levy so much on each other’s shoulders over complete bullshit notions it’s crazy. And I don’t want you to think I’m exempt because I’m not. I do it too. We come down so hard on each other for being fat or short or ugly or pretty it’s crazy. And the dark skinned/light skinned shit is ridiculous. Such a preoccupation with color when we really should be unified! Makes me think about Gabby. Our thoughts of what are aesthetically beautiful or ugly are entrenched in society and culture. We killed her for that hair FROM OUR COUCH yo.Smoothed talked all shit while we was on the couch and she was soaring through the air. She all the way overseas doing some shit that some of us can’t even fathom doing, but we cheapen it cause she ain’t have a proper weave. It was like if you told a broad she guaranteed could win a gold medal BUT the catch was her hair couldn’t be perfect she wouldn’t do it. Who told you that was right? Who told you that was plausible?  And then my greatest question to myself was: Given the rules and precepts of the religion that you so staunchly subscribe to, what if it was all up to your personal interpretation? And obviously this is what should be happening BUT seldom ever does. If your brain was wiped clean and all you had was the Torah or the Quran or my book, the Bible, how would you interpret the book? And after said interpretation how would you worship? Would your “church” be run the same way? Would you even call it a church? I know that’s very jarring to think about because it shakes the very core and foundation of your system of beliefs. But you have to believe that in the orchestration of the inception of whatever religion you follow there was humanity at work (and focus on the word religion because that’s different than spirituality). And humanity is always influenced by society. Best case scenario we should be choosing our religion and interpreting whatever religion we choose to follow, NOT OUR PARENTS. Moreover (I’ll speak on the Bible cause it’s what I read) it’s open for interpretation, personal interpretation with divine guidance and revelation. Just because the man at the altar says he read it and thinks it doesn’t make that law. He’s a man like you. You follow God first so you read it yourself and gain a personal understanding with God’s help. So if we never had someone to read it and tell us what it meant what would we personally think it meant by ourselves? How would the way our respective religions change as a result?

These were just some of the questions that I had because if the world started over today with no recollection of a past world, I wonder how things would change. I wonder what if the day was erased when it was said that an emotional man wasn’t a strong man. How would men be today? How would a lifetime worth of men and women who are accepting of an emotional man at his most natural state be? Would the whole system of relationships just change? Would we love our women better? Would the divorce rate be staggeringly lower? Would women then set a standard and never settle again? What if the person died that told you and your mother and her mother and her mother that settling was ok? WOULD YOU BE HAPPY? How would that affect “black twitter”? lol.

Lupe Fiasco, whom greatly gets on my nerves now, recently said he just wants to start a conversation with his music. And I can respect that. And that’s merely why I wrote this. I feel it’s important for people to think and question and converse about the way things are. Because given a totally clean slate I don’t know that we’d all wind up the same ways we are now. I can’t say that our lives would converge to the points we are now. And I honestly would pray that mine wouldn’t. I sit and think of all the bullshit that we as people go through over the things that we think people will think. And it’s funny to me because most of the time it’s something they themselves want to do or want to be anyway. How many more artists would we have and diverse genres if we learned that niggas are more that rappers and 808 riders? How many more lawyers and doctors if our only dreams didn’t involve a ball of some sort? It’s very interesting to think about but it’s also very enlightening. To think that at every level that we’ve been through in our lives there’s been some type of blinder or lens or scope is crazy. And to remove those impediments for every person from the beginning would totally change the outcome of the world. But given the fact that we can’t I feel that it’s important for us now not to live currently in those lines of sight. And to acknowledge and understand these things is to make great personal gains in becoming who YOU really are. Not a YOU that society molded. Not a YOU that culture shaped. But a natural innate YOU, that given what you have, have shaped his or her OWN being to the greatest possibility. Because some of us out here are nothing but a bunch of influences that people have put on us. Just utterly and totally lacking any form of self. Now it’s impossible to totally be an uninfluenced person, but it is possible to choose at least some of the influences that you will let drive your being and who you are. Be who you are not who they told you that you were.

Well who knows when I’ll write again so enjoy that shit. Excuse my language. It comes naturally but I also think nothing emphasizes passion and emotion more so I don’t know what to say. I use it as a tool. I’m just a mafucka hoping you all find yourselves while I’m trying to find me at the same time.



  1. 1st of all this shit was dumb long fam! I just had to get that off my chest! Nonetheless, good f*cking blog! Fam I totally concur with damn near everything you wrote. Group think is no joke & hard to escape. Great question & I’ll get back to you on that…LoL

  2. Lateish L Meachem

    Superbly written…witty, thought-provoking, funny…As always.

    I always say THE same thing about the light skin/dark skin foolishness… Because if you think about the benefits of melanin… Darker skin has benefits (annnnd it’s just absolutely gorgeous lol)

    Annnnd about politics… I voted & will vote for Obama because I agree with his platform…as a woman…public employee…middle class American…

    Again, bravo Mr. Clayton. Bravo.

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