The Great Whore Debate

I was recently in the shower thinking about the reformation of the modern day hoe.  It’s a very interesting subject matter and even after I got out of the shower I sat for a few minutes pondering…almost to the point where I became ashy. We villanize people so much but never pull that mirror up to ourselves. Think about me and Yeezy’s boo Kim K for a second…now a second longer…now for a few more. But before we get into that lets reflect a bit:

After defining it as a typical garden tool, Urbandictionary.com basically goes on to say that a hoe/whore is a promiscuous woman. Not rocket science. But being the man I am I must dig deeper. Where did this promiscuity have its genesis? Is such disdain and malign warranted? I mean you tend to hear women’s conversations like “Oh, that bitch is a whore…she let some nigga fuck her while she was pregnant! 2nd to 3rd trimester girl! Aaaannd it wasn’t even baby boy’s seed!!! She’s definitely a hoe…her son cute tho.”  Or you’ll hear a dude say to his man’s “Old girl a whore…she loose? I heard a couple niggas knocked it down from the hood. I mean I’m still tryna smash. You think she let me hit it? I think she know my baby mom tho my dude…”  And of course that’s some hilarious dialogue but I promise it’s true. For one I know for a fact the second one is true and for two I know that’s just how my girl talks. That pregnancy sex is definitely some whorish activity but like my man once told me “I’m sure I done poked some little nigga in the head.” LMAO anyway back to business…but what is the true definition? Is there a certain criteria? Let’s categorize…I’ll sprinkle some male whorage in there where I see fit too lol…

Flat Out Hoes: Like Nas said it ain’t hard to tell. You know what a flat out whore is. She has several KNOWN bodies in the area, and speculated bodies across state lines. It’s easily known. She’s infamous, nefarious, and egregious in most cases (look them up). Niggas know exactly what her boobs look like. They know the exact shape of that mole the hoe has on her left thigh. The male flat out hoe is the king of the hill amongst niggas. He done chipped everyone that you ever wanted to. Girls hate him and slander his name from here to Virginia, BUT DIG THIS, when the time arises they let oh boy chip! But given time it becomes unappealing to both the female and male whore. My dude may have tackled so much pussy he’s defensive player of the year, but how lonely is dude when it’s all said and done. Ol girl done been on every horse at the Merry-go-round but can’t get a dude to text her beyond “What time your baby go to sleep?”  When everyone is getting married the flat out whore is scrambling when the game is over. The flat out whore just wants attention and uses sex as the tool. The sad part is where this tends to come from. Where was the lack? Was it no real mom, no real dad? There’s always sadness when it comes to the barefaced whore because in reality their shit is majorly fucked up. As much as I love my man Stevie J there’s a deficiency that he masks that when it all falls apart will destroy his life and future happiness. So all you blatant hoes out there hoing, you need to get it together!

Tweets From the Flat Out Hoe: “I’m tryna get a nut off tonight who still up?” or “Iwanna sit on somebody face tonight! Tryna see what that tongue do!”

Undercover Hoes: Maaaaaaan….watch yourself with this one! Matter of fact…maybe don’t. The undercover hoe is the same as the flat out hoe, they ass just hasn’t been found out yet. And no one has debunked it yet because they choose wisely. But how many of us know people that are “undercover hoes”? You know the one that had had sex with mad people but because it’s on the low you don’t categorize them as a whore right out. See the flat out hoe has no discreetness. The undercover hoe moves in the dark. They speak in codes, they subtweet and move behind the shadows. The undercover hoe’s greatest tool is the DM or FB message. They aren’t going to openly “@” you. They won’t flat out say things. They may “like” several Instagram pictures in a row to get your attention. They might “seriously joke” about sex to you. I know a couple undercover hoes. We all be talking about girls and it seems like after every name they like “Oh I chipped baby girl, she was weak sauce…” Lmao. Undercover female hoes tend to not have a purpose but to get laid. They’re curious about a dude or two and casual sex is an option so these things tend to go down. Maybe they’re not ready to settle down or whatever, and now is just the time when they want to have some fun. There are a lot of undercover hoes out there. I think this may be the biggest category. It’s damn near acceptable. But the question is: Is the undercover hoe any better than the flat out hoe? It’s hard to say. Is the discreet hoe better because they’ve learned to work in the shadows and how to bed people that don’t run their mouths? Apparently so. Because perception is reality you have to believe that the hoe not perceived as a hoe is NOT a hoe…even though they are hoes…I think lol.

Tweets from the Undercover Hoe: “Let me clean up this room just in case I have an unexpected guest…” or “My phone gets no sauce on nights like this…”

Relationship Hoe: The relationship hoe has a slew of bodies because they’ve “talked” to a slew of people. The relationship hoe has accumulated a high number because they bed everyone that they are with, and it just so happens that they are WITH a lot of people for a short amount of time. I mean what can you say? Because at the end of the day they can say “Everyone I ever let get the yams was my boyfriend for like 2 months.” The relationship hoe tends to be a woman because women seem to care about such things. *cough* Men could care less. You’d think that if a girl lost her virginity at 16 and messed with someone new every 4 months, and let them all smash; by 25 she’d have 27 bodies. Now if you asked a nigga was that a lot what do you think he’d say? But if you asked her she’d say “They was my boyfriends, we made love!” LMAO! Relationship whore!

Tweets from the Relationship Hoe: “I can’t wait till this 3 week rule is over shit!” or  “I wish I had a dude cause if so I’d be busting it wide open…just for him…I AINT NO HOE!”

Money Hoe (Leprechaun):  a leprechaun hoe is one of the worst to me. She may as well be a prostitute…eff that…she is a prostitute. Everything she does is for the all mighty dollar at the end of the day. They have sex for clothes, bill pay, loans, purses, earrings, car washes, new vacuums; 99¢ flip flops from Old Navy. Anything and everything  possible. While you sleep she is in your wallet. She listening for your account number and fishing for your social. You’re at the MAC machine and BOOM she right over your shoulder. This hoe will bleed you dry and then move on to a next cadaver. Every sexual encounter has money somewhere involved right after that nut is busted. I had a girl I used to mess with come out her mouth and say this: “Just buy me the stuff I need while I’m at school and put some money in my account when I need it and you’ll ALWAYS sex when I come home.”  Can you believe that? Watch these hoes, man they craftier than AC Moore. That’s my word!

Tweets from the Money Hoe: “That new Michael Khors bag gone be on my shoulder by Sunday night, watch!” or “I suppose he think this phone bill gone pay itself!”

Sporadic Hoe: The sporadic hoe has flashes of hoe activity. Maybe they were drunk maybe they weren’t. But at a certain interval in time there was a variable that forced them to be one of the aforementioned hoes. Basically she’s a circumstantial hoe. And all the other types claim to be the sporadic hoe to save face. She might have that one day where she lets two dudes chip in one day but hey she was extremely horny that day. It only happened one time so she gets a pass…I think. She was in college and a few niggas chipped it…simultaneously… … … … (Wait that’s a hoe, scratch that) Those dots were me thinking. Lol. Ummm next hoe…Oh she got chipped in the back of a van, that was moving, with niggas watching but hey she wanted some at that moment and she loved her dude enough to give it to him with people around. Merely circumstantial…I think. But push comes to shove who hasn’t engaged in some type of whoage a time or two right? Right? RIGHT?!

Tweets from the Sporadic Hoe: “I had to say #DONTjudgeMe during Never Have I Ever…the other night. But we all a hoe sometime.” Or “That was just one time, I was young…”

THEE REFORMED HOE: This the last one. My shift is coming to an end but I had to comment on this one. The reformed hoe was the flat out hoe at a time. Or possibly a semi-known undercover hoe. But she’s found Almighty God or Allah or just got tired of handing out free cookies. But for whatever reason she’s no longer letting niggas finesse the cat. She’s changed! And this hoe kills dudes because they’ve missed the cut off or can’t chip it no more. Cause casual sex is a thing over her past. She’s looking for the real deal Holyfield now. Dudes in the break room like:

Nigga 1: “You chipped it? I wanted to bad as hell but all a sudden she not about that life. FOH with that, ya feel me? My man’s just hit I a few months ago. She just gone decide not to give it up no more when I wanna stab tho?”

Nigga 2: “I don’t know my dude, I know a couple cats that ran down. I think she getting her life together. Her head game was RIGHT I heard. You too late my boy. Her friend still about that life tho! Gags and all!”

LMAO, I lie to you not that these exact conversations have happened. But anyway the reformed hoe gets massive amounts of attention from niggas and massive amount of hate from females. But she only cares about her new ways and holds her head high. And when she finds that dude who don’t know or care about her past she’s going to unleash every trick she knows  on him, after a while and he’s going to marry her reformed ass. And it will all be marvelous in the eyes of YAWEH! Reformed hoes ain’t too bad unless they tease you or you have the wrong expectations. And after all that hoeage they probably make good companions too! But I wouldn’t know about such things.

Tweets from the Reformed Hoe: “The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want.” Or “In bed by 9, I’m not about THAT life anymore.”

In summation I think there’s some HOE in all of us. So don’t be so quick to judge. I outlined a few and I’m 1000% sure there’s more types and subcategories. The key is knowing which ones you are and which ones you are dealing with. Thanks for letting me entertain you this evening and allowing me to exercise my brain. I love all you hoes the same. I’m an equal opportunist. Goodnight, happy hoeage, and godspeed.

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One response to “The Great Whore Debate

  1. Lateish L Meachem

    I laughed out loud “her son cute tho” .

    I’ve called a few “hoes” in my Day… Now…I can specify their Ho-tivity. Thanks.

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