When you’re with someone you learn how they are and try and tailor your actions to coincide with their nature. But what about when it clashes with your nature…compatibility may be the most underrated, overlooked and integral relationship quality.
There’s a naturalness that we all have…that we embody if you will. It’s the way you are unhampered and unhinged. Its the you that IS. That is without the pressures, impressions, and demands that people put on you. This is especially true in a relationship. The word “compromise” gets thrown around. But what I’ve come to find is that your natural nature can’t be compromised. Don’t get me wrong with “nature”. I’m not saying go fuck everyone. I’m talking about personality traits. Impregnable traits that no matter how much you try to engage in opposite action those proclivities are still there. No matter how friendly these lions and tigers are with these weird ass white guys who wrestle and play with them are…..its in their nature to bite the shit out of you. And those natural things come up to the surface. Our may not be as ferocious but could definitely be just as damaging.
Its hard for me as a Christian to point at the zodiac but I must say its the easiest and most recognizable way to get this point across. Let’s say you have a person that’s highly practical. A pragmatist…..a thinker. They take facts pull them together, parallel them, come to a conclusion, test their theory, and then come to an ultimate conclusion. Then you have an emotional person. A person that’s more passionate and surface oriented. They see things on a very plain level (which can be a great gift). Thinking can be paralytic and overused just as emotion can be fleeting. Neither is bad! Anyway…when the thinker has issues that they’ve come to via deep thinking it may be hard to articulate to the person who’s more of an emotion driven person to understand beyond how you’re currently making them feel. For them an issue brings for emotion (ie: anger, sadness, whatever whatever). This in turn seems like an attack. The think is just trying to explain how and why he’s come to this notion. It doesn’t work. There’s a stalemate. Beyond that the two find that many issue arise because the thinker looks too deep into emotional issues and the passionate person doesn’t look deep enough. With this lack of compatibility it could cause for huge problems. When the issues cease to be talked about resentment happens. People go and find people to talk to that are more suited to connect to their puzzle piece. Their concave to your convex. Typically this is where things start to sour. But there’s never that conversation at the beginning where these things are notice. It’s probably because in the beginning compromise is pushed through the machine of intrigue, admiration, and lust. But once those initial feelings and urges dissipate the natural you comes along. So in hindsight you have to ask yourself does the naturalness of you fit with the naturalness of them. This seems to be why so many marriages end in divorce. And personally I believe its would be over 50% if more people had the heart or mind to leave. Many people aren’t divorced for whatever reason but hate their spouse. They don’t naturally mesh and they found out after 2 kids, a house, and a dog. The very interesting thing to me is that most people know but are in denial. You understand that this person’s traits are something you have a hard time handling. BUT time is wasting. You’re tired of being alone. You’re bad ass fuckin kids need a male role model or whatever BS you tell yourself. So you get married. He really can’t stand you but the hoes at the club are paying him less and less mind. His metabolism is slowing…..he’s getting fat. Might as well take what I’ve got and run with it. And then somewhere down the line the shit implode. You forced pieces together that just don’t naturally fit together. You bent that edge to fit your groove but it causes him daily pain. He’d rather talk to a puzzle piece where he can fit painlessly. Love is an interesting thing. It can easily skip the whole compatibility part. You can fall in love with who you’ve forced someone to compromise themselves to be. But the natural them is going to come out after a while. Often times when both sides tend to point at each other and not realize things about themselves it’s because the sides both don’t how the way they naturally are is wrong. And both side are right in believing in their naturalness. It’s just that they have to come to a place where they realize that both of their rights aren’t right for each other. Give and take can only work when both sides have an understanding and aren’t losing who they naturally are. Should I compromise by cutting off the edge of my puzzle piece to fit next to yours? Why would you even want to make someone do that? Love can be selfish. It’s just easy to avoid these things when take into account personality traits in the beginning.
Stop forcing shit. You know when you’re doing it. I can be hard to disengage especially when love is laid. Time has passed. You’re getting older. Loneliness is looming. But the end down the line is worse.
That’s all I got for you folks.