Category Archives: Love

Puzzles

I haven’t written in awhile so here goes…. Screen Shot 2014-05-19 at 12.54.30 AM

When you’re with someone you learn how they are and try and tailor your actions to coincide with their nature. But what about when it clashes with your nature…compatibility may be the most underrated, overlooked and integral relationship quality.

There’s a naturalness that we all have…that we embody if you will. It’s the way you are unhampered and unhinged. Its the you that IS. That is without the pressures, impressions, and demands that people put on you. This is especially true in a relationship. The word “compromise” gets thrown around. But what I’ve come to find is that your natural nature can’t be compromised. Don’t get me wrong with “nature”. I’m not saying go fuck everyone. I’m talking about personality traits. Impregnable traits that no matter how much you try to engage in opposite action those proclivities are still there. No matter how friendly these lions and tigers are with these weird ass white guys who wrestle and play with them are…..its in their nature to bite the shit out of you. And those natural things come up to the surface. Our may not be as ferocious but could definitely be just as damaging.

Its hard for me as a Christian to point at the zodiac but I must say its the easiest and most recognizable way to get this point across. Let’s say you have a person that’s highly practical. A pragmatist…..a thinker. They take facts pull them together, parallel them, come to a conclusion, test their theory, and then come to an ultimate conclusion. Then you have an emotional person. A person that’s more passionate and surface oriented. They see things on a very plain level (which can be a great gift). Thinking can be paralytic and overused just as emotion can be fleeting. Neither is bad! Anyway…when the thinker has issues that they’ve come to via deep thinking it may be hard to articulate to the person who’s more of an emotion driven person to understand beyond how you’re currently making them feel. For them an issue brings for emotion (ie: anger, sadness, whatever whatever). This in turn seems like an attack. The think is just trying to explain how and why he’s come to this notion. It doesn’t work. There’s a stalemate. Beyond that the two find that many issue arise because the thinker looks too deep into emotional issues and the passionate person doesn’t look deep enough. With this lack of compatibility it could cause for huge problems. When the issues cease to be talked about resentment happens. People go and find people to talk to that are more suited to connect to their puzzle piece. Their concave to your convex. Typically this is where things start to sour. But there’s never that conversation at the beginning where these things are notice. It’s probably because in the beginning compromise is pushed through the machine of intrigue, admiration, and lust. But once those initial feelings and urges dissipate the natural you comes along. So in hindsight you have to ask yourself does the naturalness of you fit with the naturalness of them. This seems to be why so many marriages end in divorce. And personally I believe its would be over 50% if more people had the heart or mind to leave. Many people aren’t divorced for whatever reason but hate their spouse. They don’t naturally mesh and they found out after 2 kids, a house, and a dog. The very interesting thing to me is that most people know but are in denial. You understand that this person’s traits are something you have a hard time handling. BUT time is wasting. You’re tired of being alone. You’re bad ass fuckin kids need a male role model or whatever BS you tell yourself. So you get married. He really can’t stand you but the hoes at the club are paying him less and less mind. His metabolism is slowing…..he’s getting fat. Might as well take what I’ve got and run with it. And then somewhere down the line the shit implode. You forced pieces together that just don’t naturally fit together. You bent that edge to fit your groove but it causes him daily pain. He’d rather talk to a puzzle piece where he can fit painlessly. Love is an interesting thing. It can easily skip the whole compatibility part. You can fall in love with who you’ve forced someone to compromise themselves to be. But the natural them is going to come out after a while. Often times when both sides tend to point at each other and not realize things about themselves it’s because the sides both don’t  how the way they naturally are is wrong. And both side are right in believing in their naturalness. It’s just that they have to come to a place where they realize that both of their rights aren’t right for each other. Give and take can only work when both sides have an understanding and aren’t losing who they naturally are. Should I compromise by cutting off the edge of my puzzle piece to fit next to yours? Why would you even want to make someone do that? Love can be selfish. It’s just easy to avoid these things when take into account personality traits in the beginning.

Stop forcing shit. You  know when you’re doing it. I can be hard to disengage especially when love is laid. Time has passed. You’re getting older. Loneliness is looming. But the end down the line is worse.

That’s all I got for you folks.

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Love be that sh*t.

20111115-112410.jpgLove be that shit man. Even when apart it and content you can have the propensity to miss it. It’s so crazy. It’s not out of the ordinary to miss the pain and anguish side of it. The fighting, the screaming, the name calling; all signs of a shared heightened emotion. An emotion that even in its most nefarious form is evidence of two hearts twined. And these aren’t even the good times. The greatness lies in the inpenitrible feeling that no outside entity can penetrate the chain locked around your hearts. The outlook that in the face of any magnitude of opposition that it’s YOU & I against them, US against the world. The only real battles are within, no other fronts matter. There’s an austerity that even after all the shit that you’ve been through its the THROUGH that is amplified. It’s jealous and generous. You want people to know but never too much, you want people to feel it but never with your counterpart. There’s a sense of pride in love. A sentiment that WE’VE REACHED THE TOP. And even in the bad time that WE are at an apex higher than those who have yet to even come to the mountain. Man love be that shit, love TODAY, even in contentment, your sorely missed. Like Drake said, look what you’ve done…

I often write to get my feelings down, I share to let people know they are not aliens, that I harbor the same emotions and sentiments you do.

Companionship

I walked outside into the air and smelled the rain. It’s something about rain, maybe the sensory stimulation, which often evokes reflection. But I immediately began to desire the company of a friend. Now I had someone in mind but it wasn’t that that captivated me. The fascination came due to the fact I didn’t want to kiss or touch, but to just have that personality next to me. The smiles, the laughs, the whimsical playfulness. I think it’s that like of things of that nature that puts so many relationships asunder. The obsessions with the girlfriend/boyfriend husband/wife titles have made us skip the necessary steps to get to that end. Back to my story I think the biggest sparking point was the fact that she and I aren’t in a relationship nor are either of us aiming to be; we’re simply friends. Kindred spirits. Companions (that’s not to say that I wouldn’t consider more because I’d put serious thought into it). But anyways good ol’ Webster’s states the origin of the word companion is “bread fellow“, com- meaning “with”, pan- meaning “bread” and –ion meaning “going”. There’s such a beauty to the etymology of that word. GOING WITH BREAD. From this I deduce that as my companion we go along together feeding off of each other. This is the true essence of friendship. A give and take. An equal support system. A counterpart to reveal inner thoughts and desires to that wont pass judegement, but relish in your shared honesty.  These are the foundations and building blocks of a lasting relationship. In this information, microwave, speed age we live in, the friendship is non-existent. We go from hello to lets chill about twice to sex to relationship. The process, in microcosm, ends in futility most of the time. How do I know the real you? Your likes and dislikes? Or even if you care about those things pertaining to me if we are not friends first.  I side-stepped these steps before due to several underlying factors, it didn’t end well. But as I realize this now I’m learning to let that past situation be put to rest because she and I were based on two separate needs not a friendship. A lot of times loneliness forces our hand, or revenge, or lack of self-worth which we feel we can only find in a partner. I’ve come to find that the “friendship” stage is the stage where I find out whether I can actually GO along WITH you and is the BREAD something that would whet my appetite. Now once we are past the stimulus, follows fellowship. Fellowship is a great word. My dad defines it simply as “fellows in the same ship”, a play on the two root words. This means two or more people in the same place, going towards similar places, sharing experiences and helping one another along the way. This is the hanging out point, platonically having fun, laughing, joking, sharing, caring, and relaxing (and to that end, if I can’t RELAX when I’m around you then something’s not right. I love sex as much as the next more than the person, but if we can’t sit in solace then I can’t mess with you). This is how companionship between to people is formed in my opinion. True companionship. I think the greatest illustration is that of small children who like one another. At this early childhood age preferences haven’t been formed, nor past experiences, or preconditions and proclivities. At this age is pure honesty and attraction. I like you because when we play we have fun, we share and communicate. When I fall you help me up. You know what toys I like. We have a kinship off compatibility. After this then I feel like I can start to feel something for a person. A fondness, an attraction beyond physicality. A partiality to your presence over anyone else’s, because when it’s all said and done I like you for you, not for any other skin deep reason, but because as Chaka Khan said, “I Know You, I Live You”. A yearning for your personality mixed with the accompaniment of your visage, matched with the  sound of your voice. OH SHIT! And all this may seem deep but that’s because how accurate is our usual “like” for someone. We LIKE our needs met. That is our fondness: our tendency to seek benefits. We look for someone to sponsor us, someone to heal old wounds, someone to love us because we lack the ability to love ourselves, someone who looks good beside us, someone to control, or someone to abet our pleasures.  These superficial wants often lead to nowhere, FAST or SLOW. But without true friendship, nowhere is the destination. Re-evaluate your situations or the reasons your past situations have gone for naught. Make a companion before you waste your time.

RT: #heaintgonechange

  

Though I say a lot, I dually observe as well. I love Facebook, but Twitter is a little tighter so it lends to more observation. Twitter also has a 1-up in the trending topics or #TT department. This allows you to put the “#” before a word or phrase (leaving out spaces, example: #icanwrite) and you can click the link it automatically creates, in turn you can see who says the same thing and in what context they are saying it around the globe. I was recently on Twitter and the trending topic was “#ireallywish” and #oneofmyfollowers  preceded to tweet a serious of trending topic tweets about her relationship, or whatever you want to call it because a relationship is two sided. But in any event, she would trend things like “#ireallywishhedtakemoreofanintrestinme” or “#ireallywishhecaredmore” or “#ireallywishyouwouldntkeepyourphoneonvibrate”. And then in the next breathe I’ll see picture of her and him on FB hugged up and in love buffoonery. And that brings me to another occurrence I see that irks me, I hate when I see a girl with her profile picture of her and her dude all joe and in love, but then on his profile picture it’s just him chillin on his solo dolo. Why as a girl would you allow that or succumb to that standard. Now a word few words come to mind (pathetic being in the forefront) but it’s disheartening to see a young woman be so tossed and unfurled over such an obvious dead situation. I see these things so often and to be honest I’ve probably been the catalyst to one or two statuses myself, so in this light I lend my hand to you ladies. 

  

*SORRY TO ALL MY NIGGAS AND MALES OUT THERE BUT I HAVE TO WRITE THIS FOR THE LADIES*  

This is for all my friends that are girls out there. Pay attention to this next sentence…In most instances a nigga/male is not going to change after you’ve set a precedent of accepting unacceptable behavior. And I say “in most situations” because there’s an exception to every rule, but it’s slim to none. Its like my homie Nazhia Allen said in a recent status, “…Ladies you don’t attract bad guys…you accept them…” A nigga is like a jungle animal, if he senses weakness he’s going to exploit it. It’s selfish but true. He’s going to do what he gets away with unless you’re in love and he is in actual love. Because when you LOVE you compromise and accept, there’s no need to look elsewhere for anything.  But anyways to my next rule or precept, if you will is: In most situations a nigga/male is never going to change. I think this the greatest misconception lie that women tell themselves: I CAN MAKE HIM CHANGE. There’s like .02% chance of this happening. [Sidebar: In recent history some psycho bitch thought we was together or at least on the cusp. We was far from it, she concocted this all in her rabbit ass mind! She thought she was going to make me want to be with her by buying shit and be a lunatic. #falsebitch! #sorryhadtovent]  A nigga is never going to change on your say so. There has to be an earnest want to change and if he hasn’t in the past the propensity that this will happen is a lesson in futility. I’ve often said I’ll change but I never EVER did unless I came to some epiphany. And more times than none it’s not a change for love, it’s a change for situation or convenience. Of course a nigga is going to say he’s going to change if you as the female hold the key to all some of the things he holds dear: constant sex, food, a roof, the fact that at the end of the day you’ll be there to love him (even if it’s not reciprocated). At the end of the day a nigga may say he loves you but in actually LOVES YOUR SITUATION. A man will do almost anything to have his situation be appeasing in his eyes. A MAN’S SITUATION IS HIS LIFE. Another thing I see a lot of females say is I wish he spent more time with me. Next principle: If a male/nigga has the ability and time to spend with you and doesn’t he doesn’t really cherish you.  Now this isn’t always true 100% but I’d at least say ¾ of the time. I’ve been love a few times and beyond sickness or tiredness there’s was no way I’d be away from that someone who held the key to my happiness. Now I know niggas got shit to do (it’s probably someone else lol) but not all the time. Of course a guy needs time for the “male camaraderie” that you gals hate so much lol. But if it’s the dead of summer and he’s in the crib all day every day that some type of quandary. #imjustsaying if I love you I want you around the same amount 100 days in as I did 10 days in. That’s just me. The most passionate relationship I ever had, even though it’s over now, was forged so strong because of our determination to see each other no matter what and no matter what anyone said or felt about it. It’s why I still have such strong feelings for her to this day, even though the hate feeling is catching up. #itsathinline. Anyways I’m not going to divulge it all but before I try to turn this Saturday night into something there’s one principle left I’m going to “light bulb” you on: If a nigga/male says he’s coming back or is going to be with you again after he fucked up or left, MAKE SURE YOU CONSULT THE AFOREMENTIONED PRINCIPLES. This may be ill-timed or insensitive but to some people but I apologize. I’ve see this most recently. A nigga hit you with the gas head but his actions don’t match his words. If I tell you I want you I’m going to do everything I can so you feel it every minute of every day, especially if you’re giving a second chance. Flowers, cards, candy, texts, whatever. And the easiest yet, less occurring action is to be around. If I tell you I want to be with you everything else that menial or trivial is going to have to take the backseat because I’m coming at you with a barrage of ME. A full onslaught of I. You may have to tell a nigga to go away. When a man wants something he does whatever it takes, FUCK a comfort zone. If he won’t step out of his comfort zone you don’t mean that much. I hate people but for someone that I care about I’d meet every family member they had, drunk ass aunts, molesting uncles, whoever.  It’s so selfish and inconvenient and fucking ignorant for a motherfucker to tell you he’s going to do something and then put forth a half-assed effort as if your time isn’t precious. You deserve more than that. I’m going to tell you a huge secret, fuck it lets make it another precept (it’s probably the most important: YOURE VAGINA (PUSSY, COOCHIE, VA-JAY-JAY, KITTY KAY, BOX ETC…)IS THE GREATEST WELDABLE POWER IN THE UNIVERSE! Men will go to depths unknown for it, jump off a bridge, swim in shark infested waters, come over stateliness, whatever just for the POSSABILTY of getting it. The most powerful men in history have been tripped up by it, so WEILD IT. And I know it sounds ho-ish but niggas use what they got, you use what you got. You’re ability to consent and move the femur ball in your pelvis’ socket (open your legs) is the legend to every map, the conclusion to almost every situation, and the reason why a nigga does 70% of the things he does. A man washes, brushes his teeth, goes to work so he can buy nice things, hold the door for you at the mall (Chris Rock) all to attract you and your box ;-). Make it count. The only reason it’s devalued is because when you say no some other girl says yes. As soon as she opens her legs with no type of feeling or conditions your flower just lost three of its petals (READ: Laws of Attraction for mor insight on that).  

I didn’t write this for fan fair or accolades but it hurts my heart to see so many girls get hurt and vent on social networking, or me directly, due to my niggas and sometimes me. I thought this could help level the playing field a bit. Good luck to you ladies and happy hunting to my niggas!  

   

…by the way this isn’t directed at anyone or bout anyone in particular. It’s across the board what I’ve seen.  

Laws of Attraction

A friend of mine asked me to write about this, here my spin on it. Most post millennium attraction is superficial. Attraction is generally the easiest part of any relationship. Here’s a scenario:

You’re in the club, she walks by dressed clad in….not much of anything, you walk up with all the confidence SWAG you can muster, and in the most debonair voice you could imitate and ask for her number, she the obliges, obviously glamoured by your clandestine charm. REALITY: You’re both in the club, she probably snuck out. He has a child and just had to get away from his responsibilities and feel good. She wears close to nothing because that what she saw on T.V. and that seems to work for them. She doesn’t believe much in her brain because to show that off would be radically polarizing. He talks to her cause her clothes dictate that certain activities came with the dress like accessories. She feels he’s so nice and cool trying to take me somewhere soft to talk, so fatherly she thinks (she hasn’t seen her father in years). She forks over the numbers, and generally her panties.

And that’s the reality of most bullshit attractions, that there is no true foundation.   After this most of these relationships go nowhere except to the bedroom of course. +1 point for the male. Now there are several different ways that the story could have gone but in my eyes most scenarios are in that feasible region (algebra analogy 😉 ). But what can you expect from the venue where this takes place? It’s like going to a waterpark and expecting not to get wet. The club commands less decorum then let’s say a church, library, or street for that matter. The dark, the sweat, the body reverberations…it’s a place fit for in a females case: dancing, partying, and having fun; for a male: drinking, grinding, and body call hunting. Now for you club goers, you may feel like I’m demonizing something that you deify, but what type of connection can you make at a place where the decibel level is on average 110 decibels (32 times as loud as a normal conversation). How much can you figure out about a person beyond ass and tits in a place like this? Now I’m not “hating” on clubs, they have their place just like everywhere else, but not for preliminary courtship.

A female once told me and my crew that she wouldn’t give a guy her number if he just walked up in the mall and asked for it. Now I agreed and knew why before she explained but you could read the inquisitiveness on the rest of their faces, novice’s lol. She went on to illuminate them on the fact that a guy could not know her enough to want to know more just by walking by, which I agree with. She further clarified that if the guy was to be in a place with her and friends and had a chance to at least listen to her talk, view her interactions with her friends, and vice versa, that then she would give bless him with the coveted number. Now I wouldn’t go as far as this because time doesn’t always permit this situation but maybe a few well-placed questions that I could at least glean some background information would suffice. We as human beings will never be able to side step, for the most part, raw physical attraction, but to know the outcome has a exponentially greater chance of longevity if you get to know someone further then their chest.

Another way to meet people is social networking like (Facebook, MySpace (kill yourself), Tagged (kill yourself twice), Twitter, Skype, etc….). This is kind of chancy depending on the way a person’s profile is set up but the laws of attraction generally are the same unless, like Facebook, you can see interest, hobbies, movies, and such. This could assist in the attraction. But most males I know use it like he club. I see your picture (probably taken at the club) and it’s sexy so I’ll inbox you what I’d say at the club and then so forth and so on. This isn’t always the case but a lot of the time it is.

Finally here’s my shtick. What attracts me besides thighs and breasts is the way a woman carry’s herself. If she walks with confidence and doesn’t feel the need to be boisterous and be seen that’s attracting. If she has on clothes that are understatedly sexy and classy, not too revealing that’s attracting. Now those were first glance impressions, now if we actually are found in a place where I could deduce more these are attractive…she speaks with confidence and pride, not vanity. When she talks she’s not so verbose that it’s a turnoff but can mix it up with every day vernacular, that’s attractive. When she talks about her loves in life with passion, that’s attractive. Oh and last but certainly not all, when she has a plan or a dream for the future, not a pipe dream but a clear decisive mood to get there, that attracts me. Now I never really walked up to a girl and hit her with the “Hey, baby what yo name?” Maybe it’s a confidence factor or not knowing exactly what to say but I’ve never been that “dude”. I think because my potency is in my intellect that I can’t effectively get that across in a drive-by situation so I don’t try from that angle. I have the ability to execute a “lion swiftly tackling a gazelle” power move (I mean how hard could it be lol.) and I definitely have the face for itJ. But my time is very precious, too precious for me to put in time to find out whether I like YOU more then I like your face, chest, thighs, and butt (I underlined my vices). So if I ever step out of my comfort zone to see if our magnets attract on another’s, it will be multilevel attraction rather than pure aesthetics.

 

…comment in the box below and let me know about your thoughts or experiences.

Dougs and Patty Mayonnaises

“When you love/like somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouth full of blood.”

Though I’d like to take credit for this painful and plasma filled quote, I happen to hear it on a show that I scantily watched last night. I found the quote to be true, so I turned it into my status, garnering  8 comments and 8 likes. So in that I know that my subject matter will hit home base for some people. The quote in simplest terms means: you have not because you ask not or a closed mouth doesn’t get fed or my favorite I don’t read minds.

In high school my friends and I weren’t the most popular students but we were known and had friends. But that doesn’t usually help in the female department. So we did what we did in that respect, and got what we got when we could. Our “could” probably could have been stronger but we were timid and lacked the self-confidence that we’ve acquired today. Now at our current age, after graduating, and with the inception of Facebook and Twitter, and social networking as a whole, we are able to keep up with high school friends and the girls , now women, that we had the privilege of seeing drooling over in the hallways and stairways. To that end, my friends and I have found that we have several cases in common where the same things are said about us now, and I quote a friend of mine:

“Hmmm it’s crazy when someone tells you they had a crush on you for so long but they never wanted to say anything because they might think the outcome might be bad. And now they have a life of their own when they could’ve shared it with you.” © Byron Marshall

And though this isn’t as eloquent as I would state it, it is poignantly true. Since I’ve graduated, those girls who would laugh with us but not give us the time of day seem to be inboxing us fairly often with reminiscence and proposals to chill hangout. Now in high school these were the girls who dated  tough guys (well as tough as you can get for Pennsauken, smh) and the sports guys, while we were labeled the funny “good guys”. And as time has transpired they’ve fell off and we’ve leaped on. It’s very interesting to me because we’re still the same people but I guess our stock has risen (Call us the NASDAQ Boys lol), and the bad boy mystique has dwindled their ages have ascended. I’ve heard so many testimonials like, “You know I always liked you and you were so funny, I wish you would have tried to talk to me…” or “I had a crush on you for so long but I was with so-and-so and it just wouldn’t have worked cause we hung around different cliques.” This gets me every time, because you never know what could have come of those possible situations, it could be nothing but then it could be EVERYTHING. So when it come to being fond of someone, not just attracted, cause attraction is often shallow, you should SPEAK UP! They could be your potential Doug or Patty Mayonnaise. FUCK what people think because you’ll come to find that in the scheme of things they scarcely matter. They’re just a bunch of Roger Klotz’s.  Don’t wait until years have passed and so many things have changed. Tomorrow isn’t promised so make the best of what you have. Don’t put those unneccessary lacerations in your tongue; just make an attempt because the possibility of love is always worth the risk.

 …what the worst they could say?………………….. No?

 

Everquest

I was lying in bed, as I normally do, and I happen to look through my text log. I passed my niggas, some stupid people, some begging niggas, some irrelevance, some valid interests, and then I saw my email address, which threw me.  I knew that if I had sent something to my email it must have been something I wanted to keep, but I couldn’t reckon what it was. When I investigated, my heart dropped down to my knees. It’s always something to read something again from something that you lost (in a sense). That’s not to say I don’t think about it everyday (SB: this is written at the risk of looking in a manner in which I’m not particularly comfortable with, but I do wear my heart on sleeve, admittedly). These words were so poetic to me. I messed dated  this beautiful girl woman that made the rods and cones behind my pupils explode and my axons fire and crackle across my synapses ( 😉 that was for you). We went out and chilled and I found myself wanting more and her, as the message states, wanting the same. Just imagine that, you and a person wanting the same thing with no preconditions or ulterior motives, just straight spark and compatibility and seemingly driving down the same road, lost and looking for the same destination. Shit like that seldom happens in the “HIT & RUN” era that we live in today. I felt like Wayne on Luxury Tax when he said, “Yeah…you gotta pay for this, I remember when I used to pray for this! This, this is classic, some shit you might not see again…” So I cherished it and nutured it to the best of my power. But back to the story, I was sleep and she said wrote this to me, the shit is…I don’t know…the shit is beautiful to me:

1/3: I miss u John!! Goodnight! :-*

2/3: I need your help!!

3/3: Ok, I want to continue to give u that arrhythmia you say you get when your around me!! I want that passion you posess that makes you go crazy! But expressed in a way that ONLY you and I will KNOW! Not in a way that makes you DOUBT or QUESTION where we stand! I want that drive u have that loves from 0-10!!! I want that ANIMAL in you that’s DYING to come out!! I want to show you that UTTERMOST PASSION I have, that’s only desire is to pour out on a man thats worthy ,capable, and knows how to appreciate it!!! I want to show you that its OK to sleep at night!! Cause if your NOT next to me..I’m sure the ONLY place I would rather be is WITH u!! I want to SHOW u that LOVE or passion u have that goes from 0-10. In 2.5 means hugging when needed, listening when talked to! Kisses when missed, touching for assurance!! Laughing when simply enjoying!! Smiling cause u know NO other way!! I want u to be in my heart cause u know NO ALTERNATE ROUTE!!! I JUST want what MY HEART HAS BEEN missing and YEARNING for!!! I JUST want to be happy!! N U make me happy, like you’ve been doing it for years!!! N it feels soooo good!!!

First off, that shit is sooooooo sweet! Real rap Truthfully, when’s the last time someone poured out their heart to you? Not just cause they wanted to fuck you or attain the fruits of your labor but because they feel something, SOMETHING REAL. Realism is so underrated by our demographic, especially as we try to lose ourselves in Nicki and Wayne’s images, losing ourselves one outfit and new meaningless tattoo at a time. My bad for that small tangent but it was rought with so much passion and emotion. It’s always the shit to be WANTED. Needless to say nothing really came from this except a cool friendship and I always wish there was something I could do more to change the outcome. But this is what I’ve always wanted, someone to meet me half way and make me drop all the bullshit(and I was, my best foot was forward!). Someone that I can unleash my heart on, all of it, both ventricles and atriums. Not just a someone but a someONE, a THE ONE. A person that can occupy every lobe in my brain and dwell in my subconscious, so even when they aren’t there, their essence is innate and in every decision and action I take. A girl who I can make love to, not just fuck (well sometimes lol), and our minds and bodies be on the same page simultaneously. A companion who is in it for whatever and gives me, AS THE MAN, the ultimate sense of security  and assurance. The ability to pick me up in down times and hold me up in good times. A person to laugh with and cherish the small shit that gets overlooked. And the ability for us to be in the same place and dependently be independent (meaning in the same room doing seperate things but needing to be around each other even if its only to glance at one another and smile). The complete woman.

Things don’t always go as planned or pan out in the direction that you want to strike out in. But sometime in a losing effort you’ll catch a glimmer or glimpse of greatness that gives you hope in future endevoars…and who’s to say things situations won’t change or go my favor…the everquest continues…

 

…and I think about you Drake said on “Fancy”:

Say go Cinderella,
Go Cinderella/
Orgasm blush,
lipstick ‘n conceiler/
Devil in a tight dress,
girl you a killer and aint nobody realer,
And aint nobody realer, go, go, go, go, go

 Uh, 5 and a half in boys,
Ass is off the hook/
Cinderella bout to lose the glass off her foot,
and when I find it is when I find you/
And we can do the things we never got the time to,
better late than never/
But never late is better.
They tell me time is money, well we’ll spend it together,
I’m down for whatever.
You just lead the way…

__________________________________________________________________ 

 …ever so often someone will teach you something unbeknownst to themselves; you taught me that its not all about sex, money, or convenience. You taught me GENUINENESS.

and thank you for allowing me to post this. And when YOU read this, cause I know you will, just know my hearts in the same place.

…oh and I know I’ve been writing alot about emotions but HATE it or LOVE IT…